Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Funny email I received

Ok this has nothing to do with my family - but was hilarious!

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern seat covers' (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there

isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR! ), yank down your pants, and

assume ' The Stance.'

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'The Stance.'

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door

hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and

you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. 'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT ..

It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there

was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom

never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.'

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused

that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.

You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.'

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?'

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!

This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it so accurately! Send this to all women that need a good laugh AND, don't forget to have a mammogram!!!!!! It could save your life!

A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...

Hard to Find



Always Lifts You Up

Never Lets You Down or Leaves You Hanging

And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Lexi's verse for the week:

Be Kind , one to a mother! - gotta love it!!!!

Definitely - always be kind to your mother!

Monday, September 15, 2008

I have so neglected my blog!

For my few family and friends who read my blog - I am so sorry!

I will update a few things here since the last time.

Lexi turned 2 - ugggh - the terrible two's began long before this! (looks are VERY deceiving!)

Devon was the ring bearer in Kevin's Cousin Kaila's wedding - he cried down the aisle - what fun!

Kevin and I celebrated 6 years (has it only been 6? :) - hehehe) as of yesterday. (i hate my hair in this pic - it was so humid and it just flopped!)

I am still working at home selling Mary Kay Cosmetics on ebay as a liquidator - but I have gotten back into my coupon/refunding frenzie - tons of free stuff at Walgreens and CVS, I just can't pass those up!
I am so excited to be sharing these deals with the ladies at my church. I hope to have a little seminar to pass on my money saving tips so that they too can benefit from all the really cool and FREEBIE deals out there!

Our ladies retreat is this coming weekend for our church - I'm so excited!
Hopefully the kids won't kill Kevin or he won't kill them! If it doesn't kill them, it will be good for them!


Saturday, March 8, 2008

Almost forgot to blog about our trip to the Aquarium!

Yes, I know - Kevin never likes to look at the camera!

On Februrary 22nd, we all (us and Dani) went downtown Chicago to the Shedd Aquarium for Devon's late birthday present! We had been planning to go in February and that week was free - you know me and FREE!!! Well, we did have to pay for the Coral reef, lizard section and the dolphin show (don't waste your money on the dolphin show - but the reef was AMAZING!)

I don't know when I've seen Devon so excited! He just kept wanting to move from one tank to another saying "and more", "and more!" "and MORE!" Once he got to a tank we had to make him stay and actually look at some of the fish. When he did that - he got really excited.

Lexi was a little nervous walking out over the plexi-glass (sp?) floor over the sting rays!

We had a great (LONG) day!

Blue Man Group

For Kevin's Christmas present - I got tickets for us to go see "Blue Man Group" in downtown Chicago. We went last night and boy was it tons of fun!
I can't believe all the outrageous stuff they do without saying a single word! At one point in the show, they went to the back of the theatre - way up top - and pulled out about 30 rolls of giant toilet paper looking rolls and then started unrolling them and the audience just pulls it over their heads and passes it to the person in front of them. All the while there are stobe lights and black lights shining - definitely enough to give you a headache - but it was a blast!

We sat in the 5th row - dead center - in the poncho section (to protect your clothes from who knows what). There were twinkies flying around, colored water, paint, cereal - all kinds of stuff. None hit us, but you can't be too careful!

They don't let you take pictures in the theatre (BUMMER) - so we did get 2 outside in the lobby!

Yea!!! - My gift was a hit! :)

Saturday, February 16, 2008

My kids are lucky to be alive!

Well - they are alive still - even though their Aunt Dani wanted to strangle them!

Devon and Lexi went to Devon's room to play and within a few minutes of quietness, Dani went to check on them and found that Devon had taken a NEW, BIG bottle of baby powder and "sprinkled" (I use that term loosely) the powder all over himself, Lexi, his room, toy boxes - EVERYTHING!
And while he was doing that, Lexi pulled down the NEW tub of baby wipes and proceeded to pull all 200 of them out and all over the floor!

Needless to say, I get a phone call (I was at Target) of what a problem Dani had!!!

I wish now we had photos - I laugh just thinking of the mental photos. Dani was not impressed at the time, but is back to hugging them again - finally!

Can't leave them alone for a second - but the good news is - My house smells quite nice (though there is a light film all over everything - YES I DID DUST!)

Monday, February 11, 2008

Our Little "Princess"

Oh if they were only this cute and clean all the time!